63: Bloody Strangers...

Tide turned… days changed….Fist opened and I held nothing…

Twilight changed into night…. pitch dark outside…

I wait for a sign, for a ladder, for a route

But, the blood that flows through me… flows off…



True turned to false…right went wrong…

Known became unknown ….

Faces that I knew became faceless today…

And, the blood that flows through me… flows off…



How I wish my faces would have supported…

Would have understood… would have been there…

But instead they drifted … can’t say if they ever were there first place…

And this way the blood that flows through me… flowed off…



The flown blood seems happy now...

Listening to memoirs of broken me… it seems rejoiced…

Each time it boiled against me, a part of my existence died out…

Not a single drop of blood is left anymore;

I see only faces around…. Strangers!!

62: Power of Silence....

Power of silence is infinite....

It gives time to sort out things in your head before speaking…it gives time to cool off the brain… it gives time so as to avoid acting in haste…it gives time to also look at from other’s perspective…. We all are aware of this although we may only seldom implement it...!!!

I won’t say that silence to me is achieving all the above, but silence has given me something far more enriching and custodial which will be with me for the rest of me on this earth, and that something, is understanding of my own self…!!

In those moments of silence I have tuned into me, heard what I wanted, knew what is to be done next, treasured my experiences, adjusted to the environs, and moreover accepted and tolerated a whole bunch of variety called… people!!! Sometimes I succeeded, at other times I failed…but each time it gave a new dimension to what silence can do for me…!! Silence is not keeping quiet when you are supposed to speak… but it’s about keeping quiet when you are supposed to think, analyze and improvise…!!!

This to come off from someone who once said: - “Kill the Silence…” is something else really…!!!

Maybe it's all a part of- “Growing up…”!!!

Actually, am pleased with the thought of still growing up…!! To feel that “a kid in me has still not got over”, is not a bad feeling after all….

61: Change...

Change... 6 letters that make up such a powerful word!

Change is inevitable as I have been hearing all my life... but it would have been ideal if this change would have limited itself to only one area of my life at a time...!!!! It really doesn't ask me, whether I am ready yet?

Change... good or bad... big or small...is still a change.. and it is changing my life...!!!!

New life.. new city... new people...and the new circus begins...!!!

60: Tired....

To do what is right or to do what I feel is right? To do what is ideal or to do what my heart wants? Why every time there is something missing? Something not quite on same page with me...?
Tired... is too small a word...!!! 

59: Finding thy purpose...

Life, Experiences, Situations, People, Strangers, and everything else around teaches something profound and concrete … something that we take with us and go about doing our usual chores each day…

Many say we are here in this life with purpose and we need to find it someday… to truly understand what we are made for…!!! Still in real life can u name at least 10 people whom you know, who have found out what they are made out for?

More often than not, the ruggedness of life gets onto everyone … everyone has to go through the cycle of responsibilities, duties, sacrifices, adjustments, compromises in their life…no one is spared from that… only thing that differs is the amount in which each one does that.

Getting to know your own true self is something that not many can accomplish in one’s life...societal theories, peer pressures or religious dogma you can call it anything you want... are the forces which most certainly stops one from getting up close with one’s own self..!!! But then leaving behind these barriers and obstacles some does reach that point of pinnacle wherein the fear to face one’s self, its needs, its dreams and its wishes vanish...and ultimate bliss sets in...!!!

Putting up a mask and performing on the world stage to someone else’s tunes is by far something that we all do to some extent in our lives. Human mind and psyche is programmed to think about society, its norms, its cultures, and slowly this ability to think about society and the world at large sets in, in our day to day living too...!!  We can easily recollect incidents where in we have done something just for the heck of doing it...at least I can in all my sincerity and honesty can accept that yes I have done few(read many) things just because someone else was doing it, or it just looked cool to do it...!! But as they say life is the biggest teacher one can ever get in one’s life.... as we meet new people...see new places...get new experiences... we evolve... and slowly and steadily every individual ultimately carves out his/her own identity in this world!! A point reaches in one’s life wherein being compared to someone else just seems shallow...and individual goals and milestones is all that ultimately matters…

Is finding your own purpose any different???

58: The flowing dots...

Life never stops to surprise me... it almost always tells me, teaches me, makes me realise something, when I least expect it to...

Very recently I was being questioned by one of my close friend as to whether I believe in closures?

I would be lying if I would say I got it what she was hinting at... looking at my dumbfounded face she volunteered to explain...

‘Closures as in something that can mean completion of something... or getting done with something or someone... or it can merely mean that you have achieved what you wanted to and now you have moved on to better stuff in life....’

My expression hadn’t changed a bit... I was still dumbstruck with the thought –“did I not get her? Or I don’t have an answer???”

We left that conversation there... but the question never left my mind....

Then while reading my article for office magazine she said something which had never crossed my mind before....

"A small dot can stop a big sentence...but few more dots can give continuity... Closures are not for you...."

Hmmm.....

57: Right to choose...is it that difficult to grant one ?

Music player crooned the song “uff teri ada” from Karthik calling Karthik…. and in a split second…Rushali did her gig…she was lost in her world of moves, dance and one could easily make out the bliss on her face when she grooved to that song…!!! For a 4 year old, she was way above average when it came to dance…and performance…!!! Even Ramesh could not stop himself from capturing his daughter’s innocent dance on his handy cam. There were many who liked the video when Ramesh uploaded it on the facebook late...

When Maya met Ramesh the next day in his office…she mentioned him about how cute Rushali looks in the video…and how she thinks that Rushali has that rhythm in her to do marvels in the field of Dance…!!! Without taking another second, Ramesh at once declared…. I am not going to make her a dancer…she is going to be a doctor…Maya fell silent..!!!

Rushali was yet to know how is ‘dance’ spelt…she was yet to know what it means by making a choice… she was yet to know what it is that she truly loves doing… but somewhere her fate was already sealed… somewhere a decision was already made…somewhere she was being made to believe that, there is nothing called ‘desire’ but only ‘expectations’…!!!

“Choosing to live your life by your own choice is the greatest freedom you will ever have…and which you can ever give to anyone…”

If only… everyone knew this…

(Based on an interaction with office colleague about his daughter... names have been changed...)

56: Hats off to her 'COURAGE'....

Anger is a very small word to describe something that enrages you from within so much that even killing someone can seem morally right to you...!!!

Delhi is organising its first ‘slut-walk’ this June 25^th, and we can hear lot of protests as to how the name sounds derogatory and how it’s not going to serve the purpose...!!! Then there are people who mock the whole effort, involve in pun-making and trivialize the whole issue....but often don’t realise what exploitation can mean to the opposite sex, more due to the fact that hardly do women speak up about the whole lot of things they face maybe every single day in their life, out of disgust, shame or sheer helplessness...!!!

But one such effort has been made...just came across an article of sluts & walks that was more than an eye opener, and I could empathize with enrage and disgust that was pouring out of it...!!! It’s an account of what author Sania – who is like any other middle class girl learning in Delhi away from her parents and family...went through during her college years...I request each and every single guy, girl, veteran, blogger friend, relatives whoever read this blog, to do visit the link above and read it...completely..!!! If not stir you up, it will make you to realise why an event like ‘slut-walk’ needs to be successful...!!!

I will not like to write a lot here and take away the courage that Sania displayed in her article. This article is not for making women sound helpless but it’s mainly to make everyone in this world realise that every woman that you’ve ever known; especially the women most special to you, your mother, sister, loved one or best friend , office colleague might be facing some or all the things mentioned in the article. Its time women get to live life filled with pride and dignity than fear and helplessness. And it’s not just about capital of our country-Delhi; but more or less this scenario is prevalent in all the cities of India...

 As far as Sania goes- just two words for her APPLAUSE and total RESPECT!!!

55: Its called..."Boond-a-Bandi"

Weather and climate in general can definitely make or break your mood... your zeal and your overall well being to survive through the day...

Baked through the May heat with throats parched to get the taste of monsoon, Mumbai indeed suffers the worst when it comes to May!!! And when another 15 days of May are still left, one never expects any change in the heating schedule of the month... but today is a different day... so different that it made me to start scribbling when I am absolutely at loss of words for quite few days now...

6.15 am alarm goes off... and rubbing my dull, still heavy with sleep eyes, I looked out of the small glass pane near my  bed, expecting fully lit up day due to long day-cycle of summers, but I was very pleasantly surprised to see a slightly dark, cloudy and pleasant morning outside...!!! It gave me feel good factor early in the morning...!!! Sitting in the window seat of the bus the morning breeze didn’t seem more pleasing than today.... there was no sun on the horizon..!!! Usually I would have slept off in the bus, but today I thought of listening to music and I can say, that today has been by far that day when I have thoroughly enjoyed my travel to office..!!!

With absolutely no mood to work in office, what with Monday blues adding to my manager’s woes...it was a perfect setting to read some blogs while sipping through the morning cuppa of coffee...!!! The afternoon stroll down the Powai hills (oh, didn’t I tell my office building is on a small hillock... amidst the busiest city of India-Mumbai) was mesmerising... with cool breeze...slight drizzle...smell of earth...and KK crooning Pal in my ears...!!! It was a perfect moment..!!!! My best friend from college who is a typical north Indian... used to call this type of drizzling as “boond-a-bandi”...and somehow I belted out to one of my colleague-“wow... mast boond-a-bandi hai yaar...” he couldn’t understand what I meant by it...but I had a huge smile on my face... and coincidently...her name is Megha !!! :)

One song that I m listening again n again this day is....”Jane kya chahe mann bawra...” A perfect song for my taste to a day like this...would be listening to it at least 10 more times.... :) 

http://www.in.com/music/search.php?searchstr=jaane%20kya%20chahe%20mann%20bawra&type=song 



 Hope this day is leaving every Mumbaikar with content to some extent...happy rainy days to everyone..!!!

54: I am selfish....

I was selfish...I wanted it all...

A smiling glimpse ...an assuring hug...
A tender care...a smiling cheer...
A watchful hand...an unadulterated faith...
One daily prayer...and one daily tear...

And then I met you...
Yes I was still selfish... I wanted it all...

Your first morning thought.... your good night dream...
Your teasing face... your personal space...
Your strong clutched hands ....your loving caring arms...
The worry on your forehead...the concern in your heart...
The happiness in your smile...the sunshine in your every mile...
Your funny language accent...the friends that you made...
Your true blood relations... and above all your unassuming self...

I thought I had got you...
Clearing the clouds of doubt...I faced it...
I knew ... it was you...someone who was real and true...
Although you had grey shades that made you ... YOU...

There I was standing... with my barriers collapsed...
Waiting to be taken in arms...and to be told ‘you are mine...’
It seemed fairytale...yet I believed it was true...
For... I always thought I had got you...

Yes I was selfish... I wanted it all...
Never in my life had I doubted that one day it will be all be gone...

My heart was broken... shattered in thousand pieces...
For I meant a buddy to you...and never your princess...
I cried whole day... I cried whole night...
Telling you I am ok... although nothing was right...

I wanted to shout... I wanted to cry...
I wanted to hurt you... but don’t know why I didn’t try...
My girls asked me... to question you...
To ask you... to confront you...
But all I could see was that one twinkle in your eye...
It was clear to me... that very far was I...
Since then... I m not on good terms with God...
I am unhappy with him... for he knew it all along...

I think I am still selfish...even today I want it all....

Smile on your face... joy on your lips...
Your flourishing life...your amazing health...
Your rising success... your shining happiness....
Although it is evident that...someone else is your princess...!!!

I can feel God asking me sometimes
’Why now??? Even after all this’
I don’t think I am answerable to him...
But...maybe ... because I am still selfish...!!!

(its a personal creation, refrain from illegal copying of the contents. Its my serious try at writing poetries... do leave back your feedback...it will be much appreciated... :D)

(http://verne10.wordpress.com/2011/02/23/i-am-selfish/)