69: One fine day...

One of those days...when I realised that I have lots of free time on hand...nothing more to accomplish at workplace for that day and nothing really to look forward to as the day  ends...

Strange it is indeed, that during such alone-phase one introspects a lot about how life has been... Where it had sped up... Where it had lingered....where it got hit by obstacles... Where it went wrong... Where it went right... And where it could have been more right....

Decisions, a crucial part of this so called life...which got me here...which are going to take me to places from here on... Not all of them were right... Some went wrong...some were made right....and some were bang on...!! I dont regret any of them...for they were all chosen by me...but nevertheless few ones do give me sleepless nights even today...!!

My dreams are still unfulfilled...they are still there, where they were from day one... In my sight....!! I think of them every single day...I hope to work for them... I hope to see them happen... I wish to see them unfold ....but the whirlwind of life is not being fair with them....and so they complain....

Life on whole has been nice to me...it gave me things which I never asked for...lucky must say... But then deep there ... There are wounds, which are still in process of getting healed...!!!

It doesnt take much for a person to realise that they better face up things...And what better time than when you have loads of time on hand...and not a single soul around to share that with you....

68: Am I a Cheapster???

After a long long time, sun shone on me today and it felt super… I felt alive…!! I had never thought that I would make such a European statement someday… but there is always a first time for everything I guess…
Anyways let’s move on... because neither the sun nor the first time is important here… but a small rickshaw driver is….!!! Passing through the crowded lanes of Koramangala, he drove his rickshaw with lot of elegance, the crinkling sound of the coins in his pocket only adding to the melody…!!
But as people say all good things come to an end… and so did this thing too.
I gave 100 rupees for my meter which read 69 rupees… and he returns me back 30 rupees saying he has no change… HE HAS NO CHANGE…???!!??? What the hell was that making melodious sound 2 minutes back???
In true mumbaiyaa style the rage in me made me to ask him that why are ‘chillars’ (mind the word that I used… chillaaarrr…) making sound in his pocket then…?? He just gave me stare as if what a cheapster statement I am making…!!!
And he just drove away…taking my one rupee with him…!!!
KA-05 M 5587… Don’t know why I still remember his number plate….
Probably people in Bangalore earn way too much money to give away 1,2,3 rupees as tip to rick guys… probably its not his fault that he is used to being tipped by bangaloreans every time… but I am not used to not getting the change amount back from rickshaw fellows… nobody does that in Mumbai…none..!!!
Maybe I am really a cheapster to fight for 1 rupee each day … but considering that I have stayed in Bangalore for 4 months now.. . wherein I must have travelled by rick at least 50 times and giving away average 1 rupee on each ride, I have just lost out on 50 more rupees to those THIEVES driving around the city fooling people each single day….!!!
Do they sleep peacefully each night?? Don’t they feel ashamed that they loot people openly…?? They may come from poor backgrounds… but that does not give them visa to loot people and still behave as if it’s their birth right to do so…!!!
I know I am writing about Bangalore rickshaw fellows again… but they just come up with new antics every time I feel we have made peace with each other…!!!
I am feeling way to good about Mumbai right now… in this moment…!!!                                                                               

67: Sadist in me...

I have a part of me.. which is sadist... truly... and I see it surfacing each time I walk back from my bus stop to home...

How does it feel.....when you are walking on road... and you just happen to look at a rickshaw...and then the rickshaw driver gives you a curious look and you just plain stare for a second...he stops the rickshaw... and you walk past him... lolzzz... Utter bliss..!!!!

For all those rickshaw fellows who charge me 150 for a ride that costs 60 max... they deserve this...!!!  woohhoo.. :)

66: Getting on with life...

Where new city means freedom, free will and experimenting it also means tension, concern for folks back home and helplessness at not being able to be with the family when it needs you the most….
New city offers its own challenges…!! There is challenge to find a house … challenge to reach home back in time… challenge to keep oneself safe, challenge to adjust to newer surroundings… challenge to adapt to new work… challenge to excel at workplace in less span of time… challenge to prove yourself …. And moreover challenge to stand by your own decision and prove that it was a right one when taken..!!!
There are moments when I feel, that probably I rushed into it… probably I was not cut out for this… probably I would be have been better off at my home… and then, there are changes which are lined up in coming months that tempt me to stick by what I have done… there are things which are looking on the brighter side after a long time and instead of getting overwhelmed by it, I feel the achievement as well deserved..!!!
There are moments when I feel weak, moments when I feel that I can’t take it anymore and then there is that one phone call which sets everything right…!!! Midst these feelings of being wrong and right….lies all my questions and probably all my answers too…!!!
There is one thing which is coming back to me on this note… and that is Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist…!!!  Everything is written… “Maktub…”!!! Waiting to read it… 

65: Off to new shores...

One decision…and the life changed manifolds…!! I know big statement to make…but it (read life) literally changed… and it brought me almost 800 kms south of my beloved Mumbai to a hill station of 80s and corporate hub of 21^st century called Bangalore…!!!

Bangalore has always been a hill station of yester years… and hence obviously it offers a great climate to people especially who land in here from sultry and baking Mumbai…!! Honestly I loved it here…climate... south Indian food…and that’s about it …my like-list ends there..!!! It’s not like there is nothing more to Bangalore than that… but I am yet to explore that can be a better statement…!!!

I always thought … finding a place to stay in here won’t be difficult…but I was so wrong..!!! It’s not only difficult it’s horrible…and I am still without a house … its been exactly 7 days since I landed here… ideally 7 days of not having your own roof on your head… quite scary … but then I am blessed with good friends who have kind of accommodated me in their house and bearing up with me day in day out… because I am a little weird person to be with.. (Ask my mom… lolzz)…!!!

But Bangalore is weird too...

Weird 1:- if there is one thing that I have really learnt in last 7 days of my stay in Bangalore is … you can never win with rickskaw fellows… ideally one should never even try, because you object once in Hindi and they will give you 10 sentences in kannada and the kind of look you would on your face will say –“what crap???” (That’s a subtle stmt from my side…)!!  If they are not in mood to go by meter(which they are 97/100 times) then they are not so you better shut up and sit in that rick…or hang on him and go find other or forget rick altogether and find a bus or worst start walking…!!! For a journey that will cost you 18 rupees by bus… rick will cost 150 rupees, and at least 5-6 kannada statements…s o you better make your choice depending upon your considerations…I choose bus…(yeah I am cheap mumbaikar…18 rupees is all that I can afford…but I don’t mind free lifts .. lolz…).

Weird 2:- Water … if we talk of it, it is as hard as it can be… even before soap can feel itself getting transformed into lather it vanishes…whoosh..!!!

Weird 3:-Most houses here have a washing machine area….I am aware of living area, bed rooms… but washing machine areas??? Wow…I loved that concept…one more added point to my type of ideal home…!! So now you know why it’s difficult for a person like me to find a place to live… sigh….

Ok I know I am kind of cribbing here… about everything… but then am missing home … I guess I will need some time to settle down… and probably that will only happen once I have my roof on my head…hopefully soon… God please listen…!!!

AndBangalore, be kind to me… is all that I wanna say right now…. Amen…

64: A spark in dark...

Don't Judge me .............

...............if you haven't followed my journey............

63: Bloody Strangers...

Tide turned… days changed….Fist opened and I held nothing…

Twilight changed into night…. pitch dark outside…

I wait for a sign, for a ladder, for a route

But, the blood that flows through me… flows off…



True turned to false…right went wrong…

Known became unknown ….

Faces that I knew became faceless today…

And, the blood that flows through me… flows off…



How I wish my faces would have supported…

Would have understood… would have been there…

But instead they drifted … can’t say if they ever were there first place…

And this way the blood that flows through me… flowed off…



The flown blood seems happy now...

Listening to memoirs of broken me… it seems rejoiced…

Each time it boiled against me, a part of my existence died out…

Not a single drop of blood is left anymore;

I see only faces around…. Strangers!!

62: Power of Silence....

Power of silence is infinite....

It gives time to sort out things in your head before speaking…it gives time to cool off the brain… it gives time so as to avoid acting in haste…it gives time to also look at from other’s perspective…. We all are aware of this although we may only seldom implement it...!!!

I won’t say that silence to me is achieving all the above, but silence has given me something far more enriching and custodial which will be with me for the rest of me on this earth, and that something, is understanding of my own self…!!

In those moments of silence I have tuned into me, heard what I wanted, knew what is to be done next, treasured my experiences, adjusted to the environs, and moreover accepted and tolerated a whole bunch of variety called… people!!! Sometimes I succeeded, at other times I failed…but each time it gave a new dimension to what silence can do for me…!! Silence is not keeping quiet when you are supposed to speak… but it’s about keeping quiet when you are supposed to think, analyze and improvise…!!!

This to come off from someone who once said: - “Kill the Silence…” is something else really…!!!

Maybe it's all a part of- “Growing up…”!!!

Actually, am pleased with the thought of still growing up…!! To feel that “a kid in me has still not got over”, is not a bad feeling after all….

61: Change...

Change... 6 letters that make up such a powerful word!

Change is inevitable as I have been hearing all my life... but it would have been ideal if this change would have limited itself to only one area of my life at a time...!!!! It really doesn't ask me, whether I am ready yet?

Change... good or bad... big or small...is still a change.. and it is changing my life...!!!!

New life.. new city... new people...and the new circus begins...!!!

60: Tired....

To do what is right or to do what I feel is right? To do what is ideal or to do what my heart wants? Why every time there is something missing? Something not quite on same page with me...?
Tired... is too small a word...!!!