59: Finding thy purpose...

Life, Experiences, Situations, People, Strangers, and everything else around teaches something profound and concrete … something that we take with us and go about doing our usual chores each day…

Many say we are here in this life with purpose and we need to find it someday… to truly understand what we are made for…!!! Still in real life can u name at least 10 people whom you know, who have found out what they are made out for?

More often than not, the ruggedness of life gets onto everyone … everyone has to go through the cycle of responsibilities, duties, sacrifices, adjustments, compromises in their life…no one is spared from that… only thing that differs is the amount in which each one does that.

Getting to know your own true self is something that not many can accomplish in one’s life...societal theories, peer pressures or religious dogma you can call it anything you want... are the forces which most certainly stops one from getting up close with one’s own self..!!! But then leaving behind these barriers and obstacles some does reach that point of pinnacle wherein the fear to face one’s self, its needs, its dreams and its wishes vanish...and ultimate bliss sets in...!!!

Putting up a mask and performing on the world stage to someone else’s tunes is by far something that we all do to some extent in our lives. Human mind and psyche is programmed to think about society, its norms, its cultures, and slowly this ability to think about society and the world at large sets in, in our day to day living too...!!  We can easily recollect incidents where in we have done something just for the heck of doing it...at least I can in all my sincerity and honesty can accept that yes I have done few(read many) things just because someone else was doing it, or it just looked cool to do it...!! But as they say life is the biggest teacher one can ever get in one’s life.... as we meet new people...see new places...get new experiences... we evolve... and slowly and steadily every individual ultimately carves out his/her own identity in this world!! A point reaches in one’s life wherein being compared to someone else just seems shallow...and individual goals and milestones is all that ultimately matters…

Is finding your own purpose any different???

58: The flowing dots...

Life never stops to surprise me... it almost always tells me, teaches me, makes me realise something, when I least expect it to...

Very recently I was being questioned by one of my close friend as to whether I believe in closures?

I would be lying if I would say I got it what she was hinting at... looking at my dumbfounded face she volunteered to explain...

‘Closures as in something that can mean completion of something... or getting done with something or someone... or it can merely mean that you have achieved what you wanted to and now you have moved on to better stuff in life....’

My expression hadn’t changed a bit... I was still dumbstruck with the thought –“did I not get her? Or I don’t have an answer???”

We left that conversation there... but the question never left my mind....

Then while reading my article for office magazine she said something which had never crossed my mind before....

"A small dot can stop a big sentence...but few more dots can give continuity... Closures are not for you...."

Hmmm.....

57: Right to choose...is it that difficult to grant one ?

Music player crooned the song “uff teri ada” from Karthik calling Karthik…. and in a split second…Rushali did her gig…she was lost in her world of moves, dance and one could easily make out the bliss on her face when she grooved to that song…!!! For a 4 year old, she was way above average when it came to dance…and performance…!!! Even Ramesh could not stop himself from capturing his daughter’s innocent dance on his handy cam. There were many who liked the video when Ramesh uploaded it on the facebook late...

When Maya met Ramesh the next day in his office…she mentioned him about how cute Rushali looks in the video…and how she thinks that Rushali has that rhythm in her to do marvels in the field of Dance…!!! Without taking another second, Ramesh at once declared…. I am not going to make her a dancer…she is going to be a doctor…Maya fell silent..!!!

Rushali was yet to know how is ‘dance’ spelt…she was yet to know what it means by making a choice… she was yet to know what it is that she truly loves doing… but somewhere her fate was already sealed… somewhere a decision was already made…somewhere she was being made to believe that, there is nothing called ‘desire’ but only ‘expectations’…!!!

“Choosing to live your life by your own choice is the greatest freedom you will ever have…and which you can ever give to anyone…”

If only… everyone knew this…

(Based on an interaction with office colleague about his daughter... names have been changed...)

56: Hats off to her 'COURAGE'....

Anger is a very small word to describe something that enrages you from within so much that even killing someone can seem morally right to you...!!!

Delhi is organising its first ‘slut-walk’ this June 25^th, and we can hear lot of protests as to how the name sounds derogatory and how it’s not going to serve the purpose...!!! Then there are people who mock the whole effort, involve in pun-making and trivialize the whole issue....but often don’t realise what exploitation can mean to the opposite sex, more due to the fact that hardly do women speak up about the whole lot of things they face maybe every single day in their life, out of disgust, shame or sheer helplessness...!!!

But one such effort has been made...just came across an article of sluts & walks that was more than an eye opener, and I could empathize with enrage and disgust that was pouring out of it...!!! It’s an account of what author Sania – who is like any other middle class girl learning in Delhi away from her parents and family...went through during her college years...I request each and every single guy, girl, veteran, blogger friend, relatives whoever read this blog, to do visit the link above and read it...completely..!!! If not stir you up, it will make you to realise why an event like ‘slut-walk’ needs to be successful...!!!

I will not like to write a lot here and take away the courage that Sania displayed in her article. This article is not for making women sound helpless but it’s mainly to make everyone in this world realise that every woman that you’ve ever known; especially the women most special to you, your mother, sister, loved one or best friend , office colleague might be facing some or all the things mentioned in the article. Its time women get to live life filled with pride and dignity than fear and helplessness. And it’s not just about capital of our country-Delhi; but more or less this scenario is prevalent in all the cities of India...

 As far as Sania goes- just two words for her APPLAUSE and total RESPECT!!!

55: Its called..."Boond-a-Bandi"

Weather and climate in general can definitely make or break your mood... your zeal and your overall well being to survive through the day...

Baked through the May heat with throats parched to get the taste of monsoon, Mumbai indeed suffers the worst when it comes to May!!! And when another 15 days of May are still left, one never expects any change in the heating schedule of the month... but today is a different day... so different that it made me to start scribbling when I am absolutely at loss of words for quite few days now...

6.15 am alarm goes off... and rubbing my dull, still heavy with sleep eyes, I looked out of the small glass pane near my  bed, expecting fully lit up day due to long day-cycle of summers, but I was very pleasantly surprised to see a slightly dark, cloudy and pleasant morning outside...!!! It gave me feel good factor early in the morning...!!! Sitting in the window seat of the bus the morning breeze didn’t seem more pleasing than today.... there was no sun on the horizon..!!! Usually I would have slept off in the bus, but today I thought of listening to music and I can say, that today has been by far that day when I have thoroughly enjoyed my travel to office..!!!

With absolutely no mood to work in office, what with Monday blues adding to my manager’s woes...it was a perfect setting to read some blogs while sipping through the morning cuppa of coffee...!!! The afternoon stroll down the Powai hills (oh, didn’t I tell my office building is on a small hillock... amidst the busiest city of India-Mumbai) was mesmerising... with cool breeze...slight drizzle...smell of earth...and KK crooning Pal in my ears...!!! It was a perfect moment..!!!! My best friend from college who is a typical north Indian... used to call this type of drizzling as “boond-a-bandi”...and somehow I belted out to one of my colleague-“wow... mast boond-a-bandi hai yaar...” he couldn’t understand what I meant by it...but I had a huge smile on my face... and coincidently...her name is Megha !!! :)

One song that I m listening again n again this day is....”Jane kya chahe mann bawra...” A perfect song for my taste to a day like this...would be listening to it at least 10 more times.... :) 

http://www.in.com/music/search.php?searchstr=jaane%20kya%20chahe%20mann%20bawra&type=song 



 Hope this day is leaving every Mumbaikar with content to some extent...happy rainy days to everyone..!!!

54: I am selfish....

I was selfish...I wanted it all...

A smiling glimpse ...an assuring hug...
A tender care...a smiling cheer...
A watchful hand...an unadulterated faith...
One daily prayer...and one daily tear...

And then I met you...
Yes I was still selfish... I wanted it all...

Your first morning thought.... your good night dream...
Your teasing face... your personal space...
Your strong clutched hands ....your loving caring arms...
The worry on your forehead...the concern in your heart...
The happiness in your smile...the sunshine in your every mile...
Your funny language accent...the friends that you made...
Your true blood relations... and above all your unassuming self...

I thought I had got you...
Clearing the clouds of doubt...I faced it...
I knew ... it was you...someone who was real and true...
Although you had grey shades that made you ... YOU...

There I was standing... with my barriers collapsed...
Waiting to be taken in arms...and to be told ‘you are mine...’
It seemed fairytale...yet I believed it was true...
For... I always thought I had got you...

Yes I was selfish... I wanted it all...
Never in my life had I doubted that one day it will be all be gone...

My heart was broken... shattered in thousand pieces...
For I meant a buddy to you...and never your princess...
I cried whole day... I cried whole night...
Telling you I am ok... although nothing was right...

I wanted to shout... I wanted to cry...
I wanted to hurt you... but don’t know why I didn’t try...
My girls asked me... to question you...
To ask you... to confront you...
But all I could see was that one twinkle in your eye...
It was clear to me... that very far was I...
Since then... I m not on good terms with God...
I am unhappy with him... for he knew it all along...

I think I am still selfish...even today I want it all....

Smile on your face... joy on your lips...
Your flourishing life...your amazing health...
Your rising success... your shining happiness....
Although it is evident that...someone else is your princess...!!!

I can feel God asking me sometimes
’Why now??? Even after all this’
I don’t think I am answerable to him...
But...maybe ... because I am still selfish...!!!

(its a personal creation, refrain from illegal copying of the contents. Its my serious try at writing poetries... do leave back your feedback...it will be much appreciated... :D)

(http://verne10.wordpress.com/2011/02/23/i-am-selfish/)

53: Needless wants... & I

Emotional turmoil is not always bad...most of the times (read always) it tends to make you an inch wiser than what you were before...

We commit mistakes... learn from them... move on in life...and it is in this process that we truly learn two good things about our own self...and that is what we want? And what we need? They may sound two similar things or same things but give it one more read and you will know that they talk about two totally different things in one’s life...!!! Most of the mistakes that we commit are in the phase when we only think about what we want?? And most of the learning that we make is in the phase when we think about what we need? Indeed your needs and wants are two different entities and it is only when your need and want coincides, true bliss is attained!!!

Human heart is only selfish, if one will be honest enough to accept it....!! It never clings to someone or something for life....it gets attached...cares...likes...expects.... loves...assumes....waits... gets depressed... still waits... gets broken... still hopes...gets ignored... still consoles...gets pathetic...and then finally one fine day it just withdraws...!!!! Most people who may say that they don’t expect anything from the people they love and that their love is selfless ... are in most probable lying to the world and to their own self too...!!! To expect ... to dream... to hope ...to long is only natural and it is one of the most important sign that can tell you that you have a heart that feels...that understands... that longs....that wants...

  We may want so many things in life... we may want so many things to happen to us in this very life...but that may or may not be granted always...but whatever we need in our life is something that we always get... the fight in life is to identify which one is want and which one is need...!!!

“Jise diye Kadam khuda ne...uska aasaman se kya wasta?

Jise diye pankh jodke...uska jameen se kya naata

...tabhi...shayad...

Sabhi ko mukkammal jahan nahi milta ... kisiko jameen nahi milti toh kisko aasaman nahi milta...”

52: Peace... gets a new meaning...!!!!

Busy office schedule relaxes a bit... evening sky is visible again...window seat which seemed far from true beckons almost giving out a seducing glance...wheels pick up speed... body frame collapses in the chair and the chilling windy air cuts through the hair locks making them feel alive... the vehicular noises fade away...as the music starts connecting within...

Beats and the rhythm touché the heart ... the pulse starts racing...and unintentionally music player belts out that very song...you close your eyes to feel it...and in a twitch of a second ... you see the face...you jolt out of your trance...look around... everything is same around but still you feel there is amiss... ... as if something holds back and something races past both at the same time...you want to stop right at that moment...and feel it...live it... cherish it... once again...but you don’t listen to your heart and instead change the song in the music player...but the face never leaves your sight....

Something hidden deep in the heart  comes to the fore...long lost memories rush back to life...faces and their characters take shapes ... in an instant it seems to be some other world... which originated... which lived years ago.... which still breathes inside...

You get lost in an era you had lived before... the monochromatic shades of life create a splash...the portraits of life runs a trailer...You wish for another chance in life... to undo few things... to redo some others... you were someone else then...and forever wanted to be someone else...yet you will not want to change many things in that past....for those memories... those moments... those episodes made you ... YOU!!! Pleasant surprises... unpleasant decisions....happy occasions ... eager confessions...and sad endings...it is as if the train of past events has just approached your heart’s station...your mind questions why now??? After you have changed so much ...but only your heart knows that the exterior changes haven’t changed the inner YOU...!!!

Stress mounts in eye nerves and makes you to stop staring unknowingly...you touch the moist corner of the eyes...and wipe out that one building tear...you look around to make sure no one saw you doing that...and in fraction of seconds...the whole army of tears starts invading...you try and look out of window as long as possible... hoping that the windy breeze would wipe out this river...but one salty tear still manages to touch your lips...you don’t like its taste for it makes you feel weak again...after some eternal time the flooding river finally dries up ...setting in the drought of lifeless emotions...twilight sky matches the redness that has transcended in the eyes...but you look unperturbed...as you finally feel light...

As you walk back home...you see the same children playing in the grounds...the same vegetable vendor going about his daily chores...but they don’t make a pleasant evening picture to you today...... you are lost in your thoughts...still finding the reason behind all that had happened...the honking vehicle that passes by brings you back to reality ...and you see your home approaching....you remind yourself of your duties...a face again takes shape before you...this time a smile starts building around your lips...’you got your reason’...to smile for someone else there...and make the living worthy...with every approaching staircase... you think of all the topics to talk on...put on that smiling mask and yet again get ready to play your part.....



Life indeed is playing your part to the T...someone did for you... and you doing it for THAT someone now....this thought leaves you at peace... amidst chaos... you have found THAT someone ....the ‘gone’ doesn’t matter much ....for the ‘one’ that matters is right besides you medicating your wound when you tripped over the staircase while coming back HOME...

51: Adi goes philosophical....

Offlate the funda that I swear by or you may say the funda that I intent to stay with for the rest of my life is all over the place...I can almost see and read everywhere the same thing as if world too is echoing my sentiment...so would like to leave you with it too...

 “Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma; don't let the noise of others' opinions drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Very Frankly... it only means... do what your heart says you to do... dont question it ...because it is someone who knows you the best...!!!

50: Hold on... I need to let go....

Now that you are gone... I miss you even more than before...

For the time we have spent comes splashing on the shore...

Each moment lived each moment spent...life to me had seemed so much in them...

Each of the places that we have been to....each of the miles that we have been through

Can they ever mean same again? Yes? No? Frankly I don’t know...

I had thought of holding onto you...till my last... And I couldn’t come to terms when you said ‘that’s all’...

You chose your path...you have right to do so...

Love is what we are made for ...and together our paths don’t go...

No regrets I keep... although I am in pieces...

For each single piece in me still feels blessed....

I have known you the most...not long I say...but most...

For things that we have shared made me complete almost....

I tell myself... it’s gonna be fine...

But far from reality I still feel you are mine...

I know there will come a day... Shaking me out of dream my eyes will say...

You are gone forever... and things are far from right...

But I can vouch for my heart that it will stand by me on that day...

Saying that you are gone but your memories are still in my sight!!!

(Its my serious try at writing poetries, do leave back your feedback...it will be much appreciated :D)

(its a personal creation, refrain from illegal copying of the contents.)

(http://verne10.wordpress.com/2011/02/28/hold-on-i-need-to-let-go/)

49: I wanna learn .. on my own..!!!

Sometimes I wonder how much spoon feeding should be done to a child...how much comfort zone should be provided to a child...

Ofcourse a parent takes care of his/her child but there is a very blur line that seperates care from spoon feeding. Care of a parent lies in making sure that child gets whatever he wishes for but at the same time learns from his/her mistakes and builds his/her own experience tree...while spoon feeding lies in making sure that the child gets whatever he/she wishes for while benefitting from the experience tree built by his/her parent...!!! A spoon fed child may lead a perfectly spotless life but maybe take that child out of his/her comfort zone and he/she may fumble big time...

Would like to live you with a line read somewhere:-

"Manzil to mil hi jayegi mujhe ek din chahe bhatak kar hi sahi... Gumrah to woh log he jo ghar se nikle hi nahi ..."

48: New Year Resolution... ala my way...

Another new year is here... and maybe a new beginning is what people see it as...me? Oh yeah... same to same...

Often people are ready with their New Year resolutions by the time its 1st January... okay I know there can be many who may think what resolutions...?? It’s a childish thing to think of it...!!! Alright point taken and accepted that not all do resolve to do something... and amongst those who do them very few actually follow them...that’s universal truth too!!! But let’s assume for some time that people do make resolutions when New Year starts...

So on similar lines....I have made a resolution this year (first time in mah life...) and which is something that I intend to follow...!!! Now people who follow this blog would know about my fascination with zodiac signs and Librans in particular. Well, why did I mention it here? Because, my resolution has something to do with it...!!! With zodiac signs..??? OMG... does she mean she is gonna learn astrology or something??? (No no... I don’t want to torture my blog visitors more ...don’t worry...). Well it has to do with one particular zodiac sign-Libra and their famous indecisiveness!!!

You have full right to ask me this ... Why is it that I keep on hammering things about Libran indecisiveness without sending out any disclaimer like “no relation to anyone living or dead...” that’s because it has relation to someone living in this goddamn world...and mind you no points for guessing who is he/she since...YOU KNOW HER (yea she is she...)!!!

Okay coming back to my resolution...so what is it that I want to do??

I don’t want to get up every day and spend some eternal 15 minutes time staring at my wardrobe as if every outfit I keep my eyes on is something worth giving a try today... (That does mean I actually have enough clothes that I won’t actually need to buy clothes for next one year at least...) but then it’s not about variety or quantity of clothes which is an issue... but my confusion..!!! Confusion since every outfit seems perfect for the day and I can’t quite decide which one I should wear... ok but the final result is- I almost always tend to wear whatever is easily accessible to my hands at the very top of the heap although I spend eternal 15 minutes admiring all the others ... that also means the one kept at the bottomest bottom of the heap (mera number kab aayega)... never actually gets the chance...(I suddenly feel like a villainous soul who is depriving someone of its food, clothing and shelter...) And the endest end result is I am always late for the office bus.... Aargghh...and I am still figuring out what is the reason for it??? If you could figure it out... let me know.... :P

I don’t want to go to an apparel shop and filter 2 of the dresses, which I may have liked from whole lot of bundle that I may have gone through....then try both of them in the trial room... and get super duper confused as to which I should buy, considering the fact that I am here to buy only one and not 2... And then the end result is- it gives the salesman an opportunity to say a dialogue-“usme kya hai madam... dono le lo...” and then although I am there to buy only one, the possibility of maybe I can buy both if I have liked them, starts taking shape in my grey matter...!!! Okay now if the person who is shopping with me is sound enough to say “c’mon no need of two... I think the blue one is perfect...” (Blue is my favourite color...), then I definitely climb back to my sanity and purchase the blue one..!! So the point is although I know blue is my favourite and it would look good... I get confused between choices... Aarrgghh... I am still figuring out why I take almost always more than 3 hours for shopping??? If you could figure it out... let me know :P

Okay so the main funda is –“Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you(in this case ME...) out” (I have kinda copied that line from the FUROBIKER’S TAGLINE...: P:P:P) So I have thought about doing something for this day to day wearing out...


But then why torture Librans here??? It’s because till date I had been in the perpetual mood of accepting the fact - oh its okay for Librans to be indecisive since it’s in their constitution... BUT NOT ANYMORE....!!! That means yes I am Libran....


The eternal Libran (ME...) has made a resolution that no more dwelling in the jungles of confusion... The resolution is to think over possibilities... analyse and take decisions. The resolution is to arrive at the decisions..!!! The resolution is to decide the next day’s outfit the previous night and no more spending 15 minutes of everyday morning life!!! The resolution is to think prior hand which colours I want to shop for and look out for possibilities in that space only...this way it will help to find out things which are necessary than things which are luxuries...this I say because I already have many blue dresses...and frankly I don’t need any more!!!


There is a very famous quote by St. Francis of Assisi- “Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible”. Okay and now I completely want to believe at this moment that there shall come a day when I would be doing that impossible...!!!

And yes I intend to stick to this...!!! Start by taking daily smaller decisions with finesse and there shall come a day when u shall arrive at that bigger something... and that line has already made me to start imagining some bigger decisions like- sitting in IPL auction and thinking of how much to raise my bid for Sachin...(hehehe.. he is my fav player...) and kinds...!!! So you got the drift..!!!!

And now most important how am I gonna track whether I was on track with this resolution...??? I don’t know... I am not gonna keep a data sheet to enter everyday decisions and my successes as I find it very very nerdy!!! Because you don’t need a piece of datasheet to tell you that you were successful or not!!! Because if you were successful ... you will know it, it’s that simple!!!

So maybe follow-on to this post can happen this year end...to declare my success or failure... but till then let me just say it loud and clear... I intend to follow my resolution!!! AMEN ... to that... :D


(Btw...I can also make a resolution to not pull legs of Librans anymore... my legs are already long... :P)