54: I am selfish....

I was selfish...I wanted it all...

A smiling glimpse ...an assuring hug...
A tender care...a smiling cheer...
A watchful hand...an unadulterated faith...
One daily prayer...and one daily tear...

And then I met you...
Yes I was still selfish... I wanted it all...

Your first morning thought.... your good night dream...
Your teasing face... your personal space...
Your strong clutched hands ....your loving caring arms...
The worry on your forehead...the concern in your heart...
The happiness in your smile...the sunshine in your every mile...
Your funny language accent...the friends that you made...
Your true blood relations... and above all your unassuming self...

I thought I had got you...
Clearing the clouds of doubt...I faced it...
I knew ... it was you...someone who was real and true...
Although you had grey shades that made you ... YOU...

There I was standing... with my barriers collapsed...
Waiting to be taken in arms...and to be told ‘you are mine...’
It seemed fairytale...yet I believed it was true...
For... I always thought I had got you...

Yes I was selfish... I wanted it all...
Never in my life had I doubted that one day it will be all be gone...

My heart was broken... shattered in thousand pieces...
For I meant a buddy to you...and never your princess...
I cried whole day... I cried whole night...
Telling you I am ok... although nothing was right...

I wanted to shout... I wanted to cry...
I wanted to hurt you... but don’t know why I didn’t try...
My girls asked me... to question you...
To ask you... to confront you...
But all I could see was that one twinkle in your eye...
It was clear to me... that very far was I...
Since then... I m not on good terms with God...
I am unhappy with him... for he knew it all along...

I think I am still selfish...even today I want it all....

Smile on your face... joy on your lips...
Your flourishing life...your amazing health...
Your rising success... your shining happiness....
Although it is evident that...someone else is your princess...!!!

I can feel God asking me sometimes
’Why now??? Even after all this’
I don’t think I am answerable to him...
But...maybe ... because I am still selfish...!!!

(its a personal creation, refrain from illegal copying of the contents. Its my serious try at writing poetries... do leave back your feedback...it will be much appreciated... :D)

(http://verne10.wordpress.com/2011/02/23/i-am-selfish/)