77: Tension & Me ?!?... Never!!!

Tension, holds a very special place in my life!

One may say, most of my life has been marred and shaped by tension.. and this I am not speaking about time since I came to know what does the word tension means, but as early as I can remember , since the time I was 4 year old I have been in tension....!!!

I was 5 year old, in senior KG. Me along with my friend were selected to perform a dance performance in the annual social gathering of my school. Our social gathering used to take place in huge school ground which can easily accommodate around 5000 people and used to be completely filled up. The agenda for the function used to be lighting the lamp by dignitaries, speeches by school committee highlighting all good achievements of the school over that year, followed by prize distribution ceremony and finally followed by cultural programme filled with dance performances, mimicry, singing performances and the likes.

I had never before performed in my life, leave alone in front of 5000 odd people, effectively 10000 eyes staring at you, looking at you and judging you. Many among whom are your school friends, who may in future make fun of you, if you go wrong anywhere...!!! For a 5 year old, the trade off was little too much. Add to it, my dance number was not solely dependent on me but also on my partner,and that's where the seed of tension was sowed....!! What if she fumbles, what if she forgets the steps, what if she stops in between and what if she makes a mess out of it...!! Mind you, here I was not worried for what I am going to do that night, but worried for what my partner would be doing....!! I guess I have been a little high thinker about myself right from childhood... :P

We were lined up behind the stage before our performance. I was engrossed in all the special things I had done that night before the performance. The lipstick, the loud dress, the jewellery everything was new to me,  first time in life experience. I was being very cautious in not touching my both the lips to each other, else my lipstick would be destroyed... that was the naiveness in me of an innocent 5 years old. 

In a split second, while standing back stage, waviness of the curtain gave out a good opening and my eyes fell upon the enormous crowd, who were witnessing the performance which was taking place before ours. And in that split second , I had my first brush with Tension..!!!! All the thoughts of the messy performance where clogging my mind, and I wanted to run and hide somewhere and not be found till people go off to their homes. But I just couldn't run , couldn't muster courage to even move my leg. I heard a pat on my back, my mom was standing behind me, not sure if she judged my nervousness, but her pat was comforting and it made me realise that this needs to be done, no running away is possible.

We gave our performance, not a single step missed, not a single messy jump, not a single awkward glance , just as smooth as butter...!!! and the moment we finished our dance , I collapsed in my mom's arms, heated up with temperature. She was scared as hell, the next thing I know is , my parents picked me up, put me the car and brought me home, we didn't see any further performances on that day. Nothing. And the moment I reached home, in next half an hour I was back to normal. Healthy as usual.

That is what tension can do your body. That is why its said, stress and tension are the most destructive ammunition in this world. And for me, this was just one of the episode of tensions that has engulfed my life till date. I don't think I can get away with it, but all I can say is that I have learnt to deal with it tactfully...!!!

As mentioned by Aamir Khan in the movie "3 idiots"... you need to fool your heart and mind into believing... "All is well..." :)